There's so much more
by SumCoop
Summary: This is an AU story, Ryan and Marissa have been best friends since they can remember and are living together they're both from Chino, but went to NYU when they were 18, they are friends with Summer and Seth who they've met at College
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone this is the first chapter of this story I'm hoping you'll like it, let me know what you think when you've finished. **

**Noor**

Everything in the small apartment was dark; the thick curtains were still closed and kept the morning light from shining through. The small apartment was nothing compared to the even smaller apartment back at home, here you could actually walk and sit while not be on each other's toes the entire time. The pathetic excuse for a Christmas tree was the only thing that was illuminating the living room, and the breaths of the owners of the apartment were the only sound that could be heard.

The door closed with a loud thud and a freezing young woman came into the warm yet small apartment which she now called home. She took of her gloves and scarf and pushed her jog shoes off, throwing them in a corner. She wiped the cold sweat that was trickling down her fore head away with the back of her hand, walking to the living room that joined the kitchen; she turned on the tab and hung her head under the running water while taking huge gulps of water. When she had eased her thirst she turned the tab off again and wiped her mouth.

If anyone would have told the woman she looked stunning she would have laughed in their faces and told them not to tease her, but she did look beautiful. Even with the sweaty hair in a messy bun, an oversized sweater and baggy jogging breeches and the boy-briefs she looked amazingly stunning. That's why she was Marissa Cooper, because she could look absolutely breathtaking in the most standard outfit.

Marissa made her way to the closed curtains and pulled them apart, immediately making the street lights shine through seeing as it was in the middle of winter and the sun wasn't due to come up until a couple of hours. Marissa took a quick look around the room and sighed when she saw what a mess it was he really needed to get kicked in the butt. Marissa let out yet another frustrated sigh while she took the empty beer cans from the small coffee table and made her way to the garbage bin. She stopped suddenly realizing that this was not her task to do, it was his.

Marissa threw the last ones in the bin and walked towards his closed bedroom door, she opened it without even thinking twice and closed the door as loudly as possible, he didn't even flinch just remained asleep. Marissa stood at the food of his bed and saw his back rise and fall, while he was still snuggled up into his pillow. Marissa knew what she had to do to wake him up he had done it to her multiple times and now she could have her revenge.

Marissa smiled slyly while she walked to his bedroom window, it was harder to open then she thought but when she did she laughed happily thinking of her plan. She took a hand full of white ice cold snow while closing the window again. Marissa looked at her sleeping best friend who she's known since she was born and again smiled devilish.

'Morning Ryan.' She said in the sweetest voice she could muster, and he let out a loud groan, not knowing what was about to happen to him. Marissa took away his thick blanket, and placed the snow on his bare back.

'HOLY COMOLY!!!' Ryan said as he sprung to life, Marissa sat on the floor cracked up with laughter that tears were now actually pouring down her face. Ryan was still shaking from the ice cold material that had been placed on his very warm body.

'You little bitch…' Ryan said while taking the remaining snow in his hands and walking towards Marissa who couldn't move due to the fits of laughter, he placed the snow on top of her head while rubbing it in her hair. Marissa let out a faint shriek but kept laughing.

The laughter had died and Ryan and Marissa were now both lying in his bed, Ryan was actually trying to sleep under his safe warm blanket while Marissa sat on top of the blanket with her back leaning against the wall. 'You said holy comoly.' Marissa said while laughing slightly. 'Is that even a real word…comoly?' Marissa asked. Ryan shook his head no and tried to catch up on his sleep.

With all the laughter Marissa hadn't heard the shower had been running and she had not noticed it had been turned off nor had Ryan. A girl came into the room fully clothed and when she did she shrieked and both Ryan and Marissa looked at her expectantly.

'Oh my god you're married.' said the girl still clearly shocked.

Marissa had to hold in her laughter when she saw how uncomfortable the girl was. Ryan looked at Marissa and begged her with his eyes. Marissa shook her head slightly and Ryan pouted sweetly, this made Marissa smile.

'Who are you?' Marissa pretended to be angry but found this very amusing.

'Uhm no one…I should go…bye Ryan.' the girl said as she gathered her stuff and practically ran out of Ryan's bedroom.

'Bye…uhm…bye!' Ryan called after her, while he clearly couldn't remember her name.

'Poor girl…' Marissa said.

'Thank you I owe you…three times now.' Ryan said.

'No eight times if you count every individual beer can which I just threw away for you…Ry I'm not your made, this week was your week next week is mine, it's just like old times, and you're just like old times not keeping yourself to the task at hand…and I have to clean up behind your ass.' Marissa said suddenly remembering why she had come in here in the first place.

'Sorry things just got a little late and I forgot...I'll make it up to you…I swear.' Ryan said while getting out of bed and throwing on a wife beater and put on a hoodie and his grey sweatpants.

'You better…and everything better be cleaned when I get out of the shower!' Marissa said as she walked out of his room.

'And everything better be cleaned...' Ryan mocked.

'What?' Marissa said as she poked her head through Ryan's bedroom, startling Ryan while she did so. He turned around and smiled sweetly at her.

'I just said that that's why you're my best friend.' Ryan said and Marissa didn't buy it for a moment. She raised her eyebrow at him and just smiled when he shrugged. She turned around and walked towards their joining shower closing the door with a light thud.

Ryan and Marissa had known each other ever since they could remember, living in the same house since they were seventeen. They both came from unsteady families; well they actually were each other's family. Both growing up in Chino and that was not the most ideal place for a family.

Ryan had been living with his mom, Dawn Atwood and his brother Trey Atwood ever since he could remember, he knew from what his mom told him that ever since his father knew Dawn was yet again pregnant he had left, saying he wasn't ready to be a father, that was what she told Ryan. Ever since he was born things had been backfiring on their family when Ryan was old enough to memorize things the memories mostly consisted of bad things, bad things he had to go through while growing up.

Dawn Atwood was not what you could call the perfect mother, not at all; she had a bad taste in men and had only one dear friend. Julie Cooper, was her best friend, Julie had moved to Chino from Riverside, which wasn't that far from Chino, when she found out she was pregnant and her mom found out too kicking her out when she did so. Dawn and Julie immediately became friends, Dawn helped Julie with her pregnancy and Julie gave her advice on men, but no matter how many times she had warned her Dawn never listened.

Both Dawn and Julie worked at the same diner trying to support their families with the little money they made. Dawn was Marissa's god mother, and Julie was Ryan and Trey's god mother, they had made a pact that if something would happen to either of them they would take each other's children and take care of them as if they were their own.

And that is exactly what Julie did when Dawn died when Ryan was sixteen and Trey eighteen, Dawn had not listened to Julie after she told her numerous times to not date those men, and it eventually dealt her bad hand and she died, her drinking caused her to die. Although Julie could not take care of Trey, because he was stubborn and already eighteen and ran away the moment he found out his mother died, she did take care of Ryan.

Not only did Julie warn Dawn for the men she was dating due to their bad influence but they also abused her and her kids, although Dawn would never admit it, Ryan had told her numerous times, when he was younger and Dawn's latest boyfriend used to take his frustration out on him he would always stay with her and Marissa while his mother and her boyfriend were passed out. She had felt like a mother to him even then and when she got the call from the police she hadn't been too shocked, yes she was upset of course she was, but the determination was even greater, the determination to give Ryan and Trey a better life, unfortunately for Trey it had been too late but it hadn't been for Ryan and so she told herself she was going to give him the same life as Marissa.

She kept herself on her word, yes they had to struggle through their years financially and she even had to get Ryan out of jail once, after he had been in a huge fight with Marissa's first real boyfriend because he didn't like his attitude towards Marissa, but fortunately after Julie's long motherly speech, they managed through everything together, she, Marissa and Ryan. Ryan and Marissa had been working hard next to school because they both wanted to go to college and so Marissa worked at the same diner her mom worked at and Ryan worked in construction. Both Ryan and Marissa had made enough money to pay for their college and Julie helped them with the money she had put away for both of them.

They had applied to colleges like USC, NYU and had been accepted in both, eventually after a lot of talking they decided to go to NYU together starting fresh and leaving Chino and their history behind them, but also having to leave Julie behind which was harder then they thought it would be, but Julie told them they had worked too hard for this and she would be okay.

Going to New York opened a whole new world for both Ryan and Marissa, they both settled into their new dorms and met their roommates, Ryan's roommate was a geeky boy, who liked to talk a lot especially about his girlfriend, but was also very fun and outgoing his name was Seth Cohen and him and Ryan had been friends ever since. The girlfriend Seth loved to talk about was Summer Roberts, who also happened to be Marissa's roommate and also they immediately connected and became very good friends.

College had gone rather smoothly for Marissa and Ryan; Ryan had graduated with his degree in architecture and Marissa her degree in psychology. Both Ryan and Marissa were now working in very small firms and trying to make some money for themselves. Even in college they had to work hard, envying Summer and Seth slightly as they got everything handed to them by their rich parents who lived in sunny California, but not the bad part, no they lived in Newport Beach, the richest part. And even though they came from completely different worlds they all became friends and as Seth liked to say 'The Fantastic Four.'

When college first started Ryan and Marissa both dated several people, but in the end school was way more important and stressful enough, so they decided not to date, focusing completely and entirely on their future, it had worked out for them, because after four years they had both graduated. Seth and Summer bought an apartment in New York as did Ryan and Marissa, and for the first time in years even Seth and Summer had to buy a small apartment and make their own money, which really didn't bother them and neither did it bother Ryan and Marissa they had lived in worse.

All these years Ryan and Marissa had remained best friends and it was working perfectly for them, Julie occasionally visited them and they had visited her whenever they could. And so Ryan and Marissa living together idea became reality.

'Done' Ryan said to himself as he looked around the room, which was now cleaned. He smiled proudly to himself and walked over to the cupboard in the small kitchen, opening it and finding nothing there only some Captain Crunch that was far off date.

'Wow good man…good man.' Marissa said as she walked into the living room with her jeans on and Ryan's sweater while she was still drying her wet hair.

'I know.' Ryan said smugly. 'Hey Riss…we need to go to the market we're out of groceries.' Ryan said while walking towards the shower and coming out of it only five minutes later with a towel wrapped around his body. His amazingly muscled body dripping wet.

'Gee you're fast…yeah I know I just need to blow my hair, and then we'll go.' Marissa said while walking towards her bedroom and taking a quick glance at Ryan's body, she could see his butt through the towel and she had to admit it he definitely had a cute butt. Shaking the thought out of her head she walked through her bedroom and closed the door. She blew her hair and looked at herself in the mirror she really didn't need to put make up on. She took her ridiculously long but very fashionable scarf in one hand and locked it around her neck two times letting one part hang in front of her while the other part hang along her back.

Ryan came out of the room at the same time she did, wearing dark jeans that hung loosely around his waist, a wife beater and a black sweater on it, with his leather jacket in one hand as he held his other hand out for Marissa to take it in a friendly matter, as he asked her if she was ready. She nodded and took his hand in hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for your reviews they mean a lot to me! I'm glad you like this story! Love Noor**

Pushing the cart through the chocolate aisle Ryan looked at Marissa in utter shock while she just stocked the cart up with every single chocolate, pure chocolate, chocolate with nuts, white chocolate, to Ryan it felt as if every single chocolate type was now in their cart.

'Uhm Cooper…we were actually coming here for things we need.' Said Ryan, he sighed when he saw Marissa walk back with more chocolate in her arms; she smiled sweetly at him and again placed it in the cart.

'Well I need this, mother nature is going to work her magic on me again this month and I need to be prepared, oh which reminds me we need tampons.' Marissa said loudly making heads turn she shrugged her shoulders at them.

'You…you need tampons, not 'we'…you.' Ryan said embarrassedly. Ryan couldn't believe he hadn't killed himself already; he had been living with the other sex ever since he was sixteen and still they had ways of surprising him.

'Oh get of your freaking high horse Ryan and get me the tampons I'll finish up here.' She smiled at him and turned back to all the brands of chocolate chip cookies. Ryan reluctantly moved away from the cart sighing as he did so. 'You know what size!' Marissa yelled over her shoulder, making Ryan turn a crimson red. 'Boys…' she said to herself.

Ryan was standing in the aisle of shampoo and all other maintenance requisites, he saw all kind of brands of tampons and shook his head as he grabbed the OB's comfort super size tampons. A man a lot older then Ryan was doing the exact same thing. Ryan looked at him briefly and smiled uncomfortably. 'Girls…' he said and the other man nodded just as uncomfortable. Ryan laughed and walked back to his crazy best friend.

'There you are.' she said as he put the pack of tampons in the cart. 'Thanks Ry you're a stud. You see you already paid me back with one thing you still have seven to go.' She said smiling slyly at him.

'Ha ha! Very funny Riss.' Ryan said as he pushed the cart to the cereal aisle something they desperately needed.

'So I was thinking since it is almost Christmas…' Marissa started only to be interrupted, by someone else.

'Chrismukkah! Marissa four years four years I've tried and still she says Christmas.' Seth said as he made his was over to Ryan and Marissa hugging Marissa and kissing her cheek and hugging Ryan with a clap on his shoulder.

'Sorry Seth I forgot about your festive holiday.' Marissa replied smiling while she did so. 'What are you doing here?' she asked.

'Oh Summer needed chocolate and I didn't want to argue with her about who was going to get it since her rage blackout's are increasing due to mother nature who again this months brings a little miracle I call menstruation, and seeing your cart you two are in the same situation.' Seth rambled, Marissa and Ryan both smiled when they heard their friend talk on and on about a subject that sometimes would make boy's blush, just like Ryan but to Seth it was as if the more awkward subjects were the more Seth was affected by them and the happier he discussed them openly and with no embarrassment at all. Making Ryan and Marissa smile the entire time, because they all knew normal subjects and subjects that really mattered made Seth feel uncomfortable.

'Which reminds me Riss where can I find the tampons again, my little snow angle needs the super size comfort tampons of the brand OB, super size can you believe it she keeps bleeding and nothing seems to stop her.' Seth said taking a deep breath as he waited for Marissa to respond but all he got were fits of laughter coming from Marissa. He looked at her quizzically and then at Ryan who just shook his head at him and pointed toward aisle number 3. Seth nodded his head in acknowledgement said a quick 'thanks' and sauntered towards aisle number 3.

'Can you believe him…it seems like nothing ever embarrasses him.' Ryan said while continuing to walk towards the cashier where they could pay for their things and get into their respective Toyota Corolla and drive home.

Ryan and Marissa were now in their car driving back home, the rain was pouring down on the streets immediately melting the snow. Ryan looked at Marissa and smiled when she sang a long with the Christmas songs.

'Maybe this Christmas will mean something more. Maybe this year love will appear. Deeper than ever before' she sang as she turned up the volume of one of her favourite Christmas songs. Ryan laughed when he saw her singing like a little child, in total bliss, her eyes sparkling as she saw the lights in people's homes and the decorations.

'And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call. Someone we've loved. Someone we've lost. For reasons we can't quite recall. Maybe this Christmas, maybe they'll be an open door. Maybe the star that's shown before will shine once more.' Marissa carried on she held Ryan's hand while she sang, completely comfortable with him and not even remotely embarrassed.

Ryan listened to her sweet voice; it definitely was music to his ears. 'And maybe this Christmas will find us at last. In heavenly peace. Grieve for the least. For the love we've been shown in the past. Maybe this Christmas, maybe this Christmas.' Marissa ended and listened to the next song that came along which happened to be 'Santa Clause is Coming to Town' Mariah Carrey's version.

This beat was the exact opposite of the previous one, Ron Sexsmith's easy, rhythm and now they were listening to Mariah Carrey's upbeat song. It still got Marissa in her Christmas mood though and she again sang along with the song this time placing her hand in front of her mouth pretending it to be a microphone swaying her hips and jumping up and down while still remaining seated if that was possible. Ryan laughed at her and watched her in awe; she really seemed like an innocent child.

They were both cooking dinner a Christmas pasta, they both always knew how to cook, but Ryan was the better cook of the two of them. Marissa set the table for two and walked back to the kitchen area where Ryan was stirring the pasta. She was mesmerized by the delicious scent the kitchen now had.

'So were going to your mom's for Christmas eve right?' asked Ryan as he stayed focused on the wok in front of him.

'Yeah Christmas Eve and a part of Christmas day, then we'll take the buss to Newport pick up Summer and Seth and fly back home, celebrate second day with Seth and Summer.' Marissa said as she poured both her and Ryan some white wine.

'Okay that sounds good, what did you get for your mom?' he asked while turning the fire low and taking the pan to the basin letting the remaining water flow through the basin. Ryan took the now slightly dry pasta to their little dining area and put the pan down.

'I got here a Chanel, dress she wanted to have since…ever, but it was always too expensive and let me tell you something it still is.' Marissa said smiling slightly while she took the pan of sauce to the table. 'And what did you get her?'

'Well she's always complaining about her hair, how it always looks frizzy so I got her a GHD Luxury Mini Straightener Hair Styling Kit.' Ryan said with a proud smile attached on his face.

'Wow Ry that's specific.' Marissa said laughing slightly when she heard what she said, it was prefect though, they never had these luxury things growing but now they could finally buy them, not every single time of course but sometimes they could.

'Yeah well it took me hours, so don't mind me with being specific.' Ryan said while taking a big bite of his pasta.

'I don't mind…just out of curiosity what did you get me?' Marissa asked with a sly smile on her face.

'Yeah not falling for it Cooper you'll just have to wait and see…patience is a wonderful quality.'

'Boo hoo you're no fun!' Marissa said in a little girl's whining voice.

Ryan laughed slightly and Marissa smiled at him, and resumed eating, the entire night was based on small talk and a lot of laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys so much for your reviews! They are greatly appreciated! I'm hoping you'll like this post too! Enjoy! Love Noor**

It was Thursday and Marissa sat in her room packing her clothes for her little trip to Chino, she just needed a big bag nothing more she and Ryan were going to be gone for just two days after all. Marissa packed her mother's present, two tank tops, and Ryan's black hoodie which she had stolen from him, her skinny jeans and her baggy skinny jeans, she put all her toiletries in her back checked everything one last time and closed the bag. At the end of her bed she had gotten out what she was wearing tomorrow, she had her black dress pants, a striped blouse and on that she was going to wear her newest addition clothes, her PRIMP sweater it had cost her a lot, well to Marissa it was a lot for just a sweater but the bunnies just kept calling her name and she knew she had to have it. She looked at her black flats which were also part of her outfit.

Smiling to herself Marissa put on her pyjamas and set the bag down next to her bed, she put her hair in a messy ponytail before moving towards Ryan's bedroom. She stood in front of it and didn't hear any screams or squeaking of the bed, so she assumed he didn't have any guests, she opened the door and walked into his bedroom. Marissa stared at the sight in front of her, Ryan was completely...naked! Due to the towel that now wasn't hiding his private parts she knew he just showered. Ryan however didn't hear her come in and didn't see her seeing as he was facing his drawer with boxers.

After coming out of the initial shock, Marissa turned around and tiptoed out of the bedroom, hoping he wouldn't notice her, Marissa closed the door behind her carefully as to not make any sound. She was now facing the closed door and breathed in heavily, she had seen him naked! Marissa Cooper had seen her best friends butt, but that wasn't wrong right? It didn't mean anything...right.

'No it doesn't Cooper.' she told herself, Marissa wanted to run back to her room but it was as if she was glued to her spot, and if things couldn't get any worse Ryan opened the door, dressed...in boxers and his personal favourite a wife beater.

'Sorry...I...I did...I just...sorry.' Marissa stuttered as again the embarrassment took its best of her and she immediately felt her cheeks warm up and probably change their colour into a more pinkish one, which was highly unusual in the middle of winter in New York.

Ryan looked puzzled at Marissa, he didn't know why she was apologizing he was about to go to her too, and she didn't scare him, if anything he already expected her to stand in front of his door ready to burst in...but what he didn't expect was Marissa standing in front of his door, a pinkish glow overtaking her cheeks, her feet inwards and looking like a shy little girl, it was probably another thing of women he didn't get. So he decided not to say anything and just step aside to let her in.

Marissa let out a breath of relief; she hoped Ryan wouldn't ask her why she was apologizing seeing as he probably hadn't even noticed her while he was standing in his bedroom very nude. She stepped in and made her self comfortable on his bed. 'So are you excited to go to Chino?' she asked as she looked at the clock which read 8.32 pm.

'Yeah I'm really excited that I have to get up at 3 in the morning which is in 6 1/2 hours, and then I have to listen to Seth's ceaseless ramble for an entire 6 hours.' Ryan said sarcastically, he smiled at Marissa letting her know he was just joking. 'I am excited to see your mom and you know be back home...the place might not be paradise but it is home...' Ryan said as he sat down next to Marissa.

'Yeah I know me too, and we need to see some people again like Theresa and Arturo we haven't seen them in like forever.' she said as she laid her head on one of Ryan's fluffy pillows.

'Hmm Marissa I don't know about Theresa...I mean the last time I saw her was when we were 18 and I broke up with her...' Ryan said as he also lay down on his other pillow, getting under the sheets too.

'Ry...that was four years ago...she's already moved on I mean you've been dating since you were 18 and have been dating for what 3 months in total...besides have I told you already that you two were a very bad couple.' Marissa asked as she closed her eyes and yawned.

'Yeah you did numerous times.' Ryan said while smiling as he looked at Marissa.

'Hmm okay…just wanted to make sure.' Marissa said, the sleep was catching up on her, and she couldn't help but let her self get driven closer to Ryan seeing as his body was very warm. She laid her head next to his shoulder.

Ryan looked at Marissa who was now leaning against his shoulder with her eyes closed; he set the alarm next to his bed, and put his arm around her, placing his head on top of hers as he did so. 'Good night Riss.' He said.

'Night Ry…' Marissa said as she travelled of to a deep and comfortable sleep, while she lay next to her best friend and slept soundlessly in his bed.

'Change of plans you guys.' Summer said as she peered around the corner of the plush airplane chair. She watched her two best friends who were sitting in the row in front of her and Seth, and smiled slyly at them.

'Sum, I love you…but if you are going to tell me something that will upset me 3.000 feet in the air I might have to kill you.' Ryan said as his hands gripped the sides of the airplane chair. His eyes were closed tightly and he was oblivious to Marissa and Summer's amused smiles while they watched him.

'It's not upsetting if anything it will make you happy.' Summer said cheerfully, Marissa looked at Summer quizzically she never told her anything about any change of plans. 'Me and Seth were thinking, and we finally agreed that we want to come with you two to Chino…' Summer said.

'What?' Marissa asked as she spoke up for the first time, her compression was one with utter shock and disbelief. Summer and Seth in Chino…that would be one place long away from home. Ryan opened his eyes when he heard Summer's latest words.

'No, no way, not a chance!' Ryan said determined.

'Why not?' came Summer's whiny voice.

'Because it's Chino and no offence but you and Seth are from sunny Newport Beach California, it's no place for you, it's not even a place for Marissa but she has no choice…we're not talking about this Sum.' Ryan said confidently.

'But Ryan we want to know where you two are from where you lived, grew up, you know where we're from you came to our neighbourhood and now we want to see yours.' Summer said just as confident as Ryan.

'Summer, me and Marissa and you and Seth we're from different worlds, completely different worlds.' Ryan said and sighed sadly when he saw Summer's excited expression turn into a hurt one. 'Ry…' Marissa said.

'Summer you can come with us okay but we have to stay out of trouble okay…' Marissa said. Summer nodded her head in agreement and smiled at both Marissa and Ryan.

'Look we'll go to your mom for Christmas Eve get up the next day and spend Christmas day with the Cohen's, what do you say?' Summer asked them and both nodded with smiles on their faces they loved it when Summer got all excited, it made them excited.

'Alright…but if you two get into trouble…so help me God!' Ryan said while closing his eyes again and focusing on the final destination.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews you guys they mean a lot to me! I'm hoping you will like this chapter too, tell me what you think! Love Noor**

Hours later Ryan, Summer, Marissa and Seth were waiting for their buss which would take them straight to Chino. Seth had called his parents and told them their change of plans they were disappointed but when Seth told them it was important to him to know where his best friend came from and that he would probably understand him better after that, they reluctantly agreed and told him to say hi to the other three and wish them a happy Chrismukkah Eve.

Marissa took out her cell phone to call her mother to tell her she was bringing Seth and Summer to Christmas dinner too. Marissa looked at the clock it read 10 am her mom was probably already at the diner, working the day shift so she could be done by 5 and start dinner. So instead of calling her house or her cell Marissa called the diner.

'All's diner, Cindy speaking, how can I help you?' said the elderly woman on the other line, Marissa had met Cindy before and she truly was a typical 'Cindy' just a lot older. Marissa smiled when she heard her voice she was always very friendly no matter what time of the day it was she always had this motherly joy in her voice, probably because she couldn't wait to go back to her children.

'Hey Cindy it's Marissa.' Marissa said calmly, she heard the other woman squeal and Marissa had to stiffen a laugh. She looked at Ryan and he laughed knowingly he had heard the squeal and knowing Cindy she was probably jumping up and down.

'Marissa honey! How are you? I haven't heard from you in so long, let alone seen you.' she said.

'I'm good thanks Cindy, and about not seeing me well today must be your lucky day because I'm about to get on the buss to Chino, for Christmas eve with my mom.' She said. Ryan came back with four tickets in hand and flashed them side to side before Marissa's eyes she smiled at him and nodded her head.

'Oh that's great sweetie, but you're not coming down her alone are you, Ryan better be with you…because a beautiful girl like yourself alone in Chino will not do you any good, please honey tell me Ryan's with you, and if he's not I don't want you to get on that buss, I'll come pick you up.' She said overly concerned. Cindy unfortunately knew how the guys were in Chino especially with the holidays when they didn't come out of clubs and cafes till the crack of dawn completely drunk. And with their drunken minds they came to the diner or did other stupid things. Cindy had seen it all and had lived it, and she knew that Chino was no environment for a girl like Marissa especially if she was alone.

'Yeah of course Ryan is coming with me Cindy.' She said smiling, she knew that in a few seconds she was going to have the same conversation with her mother, Julie knew Ryan was coming with her he always did, it was their ritual to come along, but she didn't relax until she saw them come through the diner together.

'Okay good sweetie, your mom is coming this way so I'll hand you over see you soon sweetie.' Cindy said. 'Bye Cin' came Marissa's joyful reply.

'Baby?!' Julie's happy voice came on the other line. Marissa immediately felt the warm smile come back to her when she heard her mother's voice she hadn't seen her for a very long time and she missed her so much, Marissa couldn't help the tears that were in her eyes.

'Hey mom.' She said she looked at her friends who were all smiling when they saw how happy she was to hear her mother's voice.

'Oh baby it's so good to hear your voice…did you get on the buss already and Ryan is with you right…please tell me he did not back off, if he did I'm coming personally to New York and go through everything I thought him!' Julie said already upset. Ryan smiled when he heard the conversation Julie was having with Marissa, he had heard Marissa's part of the conversation she had with Cindy and so he knew the two women were accusing him off the same thing. Ryan laughed out loud.

'Jeez you women have little faith in me at all first Cindy and now you Julie, you know me better then to think I would let Marissa come to Chino all by herself.' Ryan said out loud. It was true he would never let Marissa go their by herself especially not during the holidays.

'Sorry sweetie I was just concerned.' Julie said, she heard an 'it's okay' from Ryan and then continued to talk to Marissa. 'So honey I'm guessing you're calling me to tell you landed safely and that you're on your way.' Julie stated matter-of-factly.

'Yeah that and that Summer and Seth are coming down with us, just for Christmas eve and then will sleep their with you and the next day we'll go to Newport to spend Christmas day with Seth's parents if that's okay?' Marissa said.

'Yeah of course honey just be careful okay, you and Summer are real eye candy for men.' Julie said. 'But honey I need to go it's hell here, you're coming right to get the keys for the car?' Julie asked she got a 'yeah' in response. 'Okay well I'll see you guys soon bye sweetie.' She said and with that she hung up.

Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer got into the buss that would take them to Chino and would make a stop a few feet away from the diner Julie worked at. Meaning the foursome had to walk 2 or 3 minutes to come to their destination.

Half an hour later the foursome walked their way to All's diner. They saw the bright red letters in the distance and were happy they were finally there. Luckily neither of them had brought too much luggage not even Summer. Seeing as they were going to be away for just 2 days it was not necessary but Summer being Summer couldn't settle for just two outfits so she of course had brought four, which still was not much for Summer even if she was going to be their two days. All in all they didn't bring too much luggage.

Ryan noticed that Marissa was starting to quicken her pace, and the toothy smile on her face became more radiant with every step she got closer to the diner. Ryan couldn't help but smile too; she looked like a little child who was in Santa's workshop at the North Pole.

Marissa was the first one to walk through the diner, she was quickly followed by Ryan and after that she was followed by a shy Summer and a quiet Seth. Julie dropped the basket of bread she had been holding and ran over to Marissa when she saw her. Marissa dropped her weekend back on the ground and she too ran over to Julie.

Julie's arms opened even before she was in Marissa's reach, but it only made Marissa run faster, this scene was one you could have picked out of a movie most of the time the girl was running towards a man she loved and not her mother, but this was so much more beautiful. When the two Cooper women were in each other's reach they hugged each other tightly, they held onto each other for their dear life.

'Mom I missed you so much.' Marissa said while tears escaped her eyes. Julie buried her face into the crook of her daughter's neck and smelled her scent; it was the same as she remembered it a few months ago. She was wearing the same perfume 'Amor Amor' and she could smell her lavender shampoo and her coconut body lotion, so many odours but all of them fit Marissa perfectly, they made Marissa be Marissa.

'Oh sweetie you don't know how much I have missed you!' Julie said. Marissa could still smell her mother's perfume hadn't changed in years she always smelled the same way and it was that scent that made her, her mother. That scent she had known ever since she was a little girl. The vanilla scent with the fake Chanel number 5 perfume she always bought on the market. Maybe it was not the real Chanel it still fitted with her mother perfectly and it made her, her mom. It made her feel a little girl that was back into her mother's arms.

The two women pulled away, and wiped away their tears, Cindy had her own tears when she saw the two of them and Summer was wiping away her tears as well some people in the diner were looking at the two complete strangers and felt as if they were watching a movie. Ryan watched the two most important women in his life and couldn't help but have a proud smile displayed on his face. Julie released Marissa and looked at the boy that was standing behind her again tears came into her eyes she was not one to cry but now she just couldn't help it.

'Ryan…' she said as she made her way towards him within seconds they had locked their arms around each other. Julie smiled to herself when she felt his big strong arms around her body and his trained chest against her body. She still remembered the day so well when he was a little child with chicken arms and now he was trained taller then she was and a real man. 'I missed you too very much!' she said while she also took in his scent and he still had the same Giorgio Armani cologne which fitted him too flawlessly.

'I missed you too.' Ryan said in her ear so not a lot of people could hear it, in the mean time the diner had become a movie theatre because a lot of guest had turned around to look at the scene that was displaying itself in front of them.

After a few minutes of greeting and introducing Seth and Summer to Cindy seeing as Julie already knew them, the four said their goodbyes and told Julie they'd see her later. Julie told Marissa and Ryan they had to sleep in Marissa's old room and Seth and Summer in the guest bedroom. Ryan took the keys from Julie and asked her if he had to get her later that night but she declined telling him Cindy was bringing her.

Ryan and Marissa made their way to the door of the diner, Seth and Summer followed closely behind them. Marissa opened the door only to bump into a drunk guy with tattoos all over him he was much bigger then Marissa but a little shorter. Marissa cursed herself for bumping into him, when she smelled his breath. She hoped and even prayed he'd just accept her quick apology and walk into the diner she murmured a quick 'sorry' but of course it didn't stop there and the man turned around and looked at Marissa.

When the man saw her he was sure he was looking like one of those cartoons, with their eyes that were jumping out of his head, his tongue that rolled out of his mouth and hit the floor, and his heart that was pumping so hard and fast it came out of his body, because what he saw her, she definitely did that to him. He saw one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life. Unfortunately for Marissa she was the lucky girl.

'Wow such a beautiful honey as you does not have to apologize for bumping into me, if anything I want you to do it again really slowly.' the man half slurred. Marissa already started to walk passed him, she wanted to get the hell away from him as quick as possible, she knew it had to be quick because looking at Ryan's clenched teeth and bawled up fists he was already losing his patience.

Marissa knew how Ryan changed when they were in Chino she had seen it many times before, if someone as much as batted an eyelash at her he'd be all defensive pull her to him closer and glare at the person that was looking at her. This time too was not a difference and if they didn't walk away fast enough the fluffy lovely scene they just had in the diner would be soon forgotten because a wild fighting scene would take its place.

Marissa looked in front of her Summer and Seth had both walked around the man with a big bow they were now waiting for Marissa and Ryan to come. And just as Marissa started to make her way over to them she was stopped by the man who held her by her waist and turned her around. Both Summer and Seth looked shocked and afraid of what was to come. Ryan's face was just red with anger; Julie had been watching the scene from inside the diner and just as Marissa did, counted to 5.

And just as both Julie and Marissa predicted at the count of five Ryan had stepped in. He pushed the man's hand's of off Marissa's waist and grabbed him by his shirt's collar, he pushed him against the most nearest wall and looked at him with his icy blue eyes. Ryan had lifted the man a little so that they were looking eye to eye.

'Don't you touch her.' he said in a dangerously low voice, it send shivers through Seth and Summer's bodies, they had never seen him this way, yes when people started talking to Summer and Marissa and they clearly weren't interested he told them kindly to go entertain someone else, but this was something completely different, he was practically choking him. 'I suggest you go home get some sleep and sober up.' Ryan said while releasing the man, who immediately fell to the ground. His hands instantaneously went to his neck while he tried to catch his breath again. The man looked at Ryan terrified and nodded his head slowly while looking down.

Ryan looked at Marissa who was just waiting for him to return she rubbed her hand over her arm as if to protect herself, Ryan had had a temper ever since she knew him and that was since ever, it had scared her a couple of times, but this was just a mild one. She had seen him fight with some of the guys in their neighbourhood or with his mom's boyfriends and that were the times that really scared her, this was nothing compared to all the other times.

Julie looked at Marissa to see if she was alright when Marissa nodded she smiled a small smile and continued to work. 'Home sweet home.' Marissa said sarcastically to no one in particular. Summer and Seth looked at her with a lot of shock written all over their face. Was this how Chino was…was this why Ryan didn't want them to come?

'Are you okay?' Ryan asked as he stood next to Marissa. She merely nodded and that was answer enough for him, he hugged her and she sighed but hugged him back nonetheless. She could not imagine how her life would have been without Ryan, how she would have survived without him luckily though she didn't have to think about that. 'Yeah I'm okay thanks.' she said and placed her head on his shoulder while they walked to Julie's car with a quiet Seth and Summer that followed them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys another update on There's so much more…the text in another colour and italics are scenes in the past I hope you'll enjoy! Love Noor! Keep reviewing please!**

Marissa came out of her old bedroom and walked towards the small living room where she saw Seth and Summer sit on the sofa looking merely into space. They both looked up when Marissa came in and gave her a small smile she smiled back and saw they were both still shocked.

'Where's Ryan?' asked Summer as she looked around and waited for him to show up but she didn't see anything.

'He's gone…to the graveyard he always does when we're back here, he went to visit his mother's grave.' Marissa informed her two other best friends who merely nodded and watched her take her place on the sofa.

'Okay…Riss what happened back there?' Seth asked as he looked at her. 'I mean yes Ryan can loose his cool sometimes but he practically turned into the Hulk…because some guy was hitting on you…he never does that…' Seth said with a little reference to comic books. Marissa smiled a little when Seth used his 'Hulk' reference and Summer shook her head at her boyfriend's goofiness.

'He's just very protective especially when we're in Chino…it's complicated it has a lot to do with his past…and I only know the things I saw he doesn't tell me a lot about the past.' Marissa said while looking at Seth's face which turned into a quizzical look.

'What actually happened to his mom…?' Seth asked again, Marissa was right him and Ryan had been living together for four years and Ryan never once mentioned what happened to his mother, he had told him she had a bad taste in men and they were not always as great as they seemed and he told him she died and that he had to grow up with a lot of financial problems, which immediately made Seth feel guilty he never not once had to worry about money and Ryan did…it just didn't seem fair.

'Well she was not the greatest mother…she died when he was 16…she was seeing a guy at the time and then one day everything turned into this huge mess…' Marissa started while she thought back of that day.

_It was in the middle of the day, and Marissa was walking back home from school. Volchok and Arturo were walking her home seeing as it was not the greatest neighbourhood she had to walk through and whenever Ryan wasn't there they walked her. Volchok was one of Ryan's friends a long with Arturo and so they did him a favour. Marissa was completely lost in thought she was thinking about Ryan he hadn't showed up at school today, he always showed up and if he was sick he always told her before hand. They lived opposite of each other it was just a matter of telling her out of his room, but he didn't and it worried her a little._

_Marissa picked up her pace while she walked back home she wanted to see Ryan and ask him why he didn't come to school. 'Hey Marissa…slow down!' said Volchok as he too quickened his pace. 'Sorry' she said and slowed down a little. They came at Volchok's house first he said goodbye and walked into his house. Then it was Arturo's house and Marissa was left alone to walk to her house. She yet again quickened her pace and found herself running, there was something weird going on she could just feel it. _

_She came to her street and she saw what she had feared an ambulance was parked in front of the Atwood's house. The paramedics came out of the house with a body on the stretcher and a sheet was over the person's body obviously indicating the person was dead. Marissa saw her mother hold onto Ryan with one hand while she was talking to the police. That was one relief Ryan was still alive, but then who was dead…one of Dawn's boyfriends it couldn't Trey right…or Dawn?_

_Again Marissa found herself running towards Ryan and her mom they saw her come with a books in her hands. The entire neighbourhood was watching the scene unfold itself in front of them. The police officer nodded his head at Julie, who in return gave Ryan's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and walked away. Marissa approached the pair completely out of breath and definitely scared but seeing Ryan's face she didn't know why she was scared he wasn't even scared, hurt, happy, relieved, angry he was just neutral his face wasn't telling her anything and so she asked._

'_What happened?' Marissa looked at her mother then at her best friend she didn't know who was going to answer them. _

'_Dawn she died of alcohol poisoning…her heart just stopped beating…' Ryan said as he looked at the ambulance which was driving away. He shook his head and laughed bitterly. 'Karma rocks…' he said and walked away._

_The young teenager looked shocked at her mother, her mother had tears in her eyes and so did Marissa, she knew Ryan hated his mom sometimes for her drinking. Seeing him walk away Marissa couldn't imagine how he was feeling or what was going on in his head. She didn't know if she wanted to know he was only sixteen and his mother died already. Marissa knew what was going to happen he would move into their place she just hoped he'd get over it eventually._

'It took him a long time to get over it and forgive her for it, but the minute he did come to terms he went to her grave and every time we're here he goes there.' Marissa finished while looking at both Seth and Summer who sighed and sat back.

'And I thought my life sucked…' Seth said while looking at Marissa.

'Yeah…' Summer said quietly as she thought of what Ryan had been through in such a short period of time.

'But wait you said he doesn't really confide in you…you've been best friends since…ever!' Seth said as he snapped out of his day dream and was now addressing Marissa who smiled sadly…she may know him better then any other person but she still didn't really know him, he was a very private person and certainly didn't want to show his emotions.

'Yeah…you all know Ryan he's not much of the talking type or the type to cry in someone's arms and talk to that person…'she said while getting up from the couch and moving to the kitchen. She thought back of the day he found out his mom died that was another moment where she expected him to cry and yell and just be miserable, but he actually was the opposite of that.

'_Ryan…Ry are you okay?' asked a sixteen year old Marissa as she followed him to wherever he was going, she saw Ryan quicken his pace and knew he was trying to get rid of her but she wasn't going anywhere he knew that of her too, she never gave up without a fight. 'Ry wait up!' she said as she continued to follow him._

'_Marissa go back home I'll be okay…' he said over his shoulder to her. He walked over to the little river where he came sometimes to clear his mind, Marissa followed him and saw him sit down while throwing a stone in the water, he stared at the change it gave to the seconds ago peaceful still water, just a little rock to change some many things, change an entire river. Marissa sighed and sat down next to him without making too much noise._

_Ryan watched her sit next to him, and breathed in deeply he then looked back to the water, his mother just died and he didn't feel anything, okay maybe he felt a little anger inside of him but that was it just a little anger he was angry at her because she screwed up her life due to her stupid drinking…he had asked her, even begged her to stop drinking and she kept promising she would but did she ever…no she didn't she never was true to her word and now she was dead…the thing that tear their family apart also had to kill his mother._

'_Do you want to talk about it?' Marissa asked as she looked at Ryan. She didn't really know what else she could do, he was her best friend his mother was her god mother, she knew Dawn too and she might not have been the best mother but she was still his mother and she did have a good heart on her good days, on her sober days she was an amazing funny woman, unfortunately those days came once a year and the last few years they didn't come at all, but still she was Dawn, her god mother and her best friend's mother, and now she died. 'I don't know how you feel or anything but I just want you to know I am here if you want to talk I mean…I'm here.' She added quietly._

'_Marissa seriously I don't want to talk about it I am fine…' he snapped at her, Marissa felt hurt for a split second but it soon vanished when she thought what he had just been through if snapping at her made him feel better she would let him snap at her until he was done with grieving. _

'_Are you really…fine I mean…' she asked she knew he wasn't fine but now she could at least talk about something with him. _

'_Yeah I'm fine seriously why can't you just mind your own business…' he again snapped at her while looking at her, Marissa sighed and closed her eyes._

_She took hold of his hand and entwined their fingers, she then put it on her lap. 'Because you're my best friend, you're my family…' she said. Ryan looked at her the harsh glare was gone and he sighed, and looked back at the river. _

'_I'm so tired…' he said softly, Marissa nodded her head and placed her head on his shoulder while holding on to his arm, Ryan leaned his head against hers. 'I know me too…' Marissa said while she too looked out onto the river._

The door opened and everyone saw Ryan come back into the house, he was a little down, well more down then he normally was but not down enough to say he just came from the grave of his mother, he was hiding it again. Marissa sighed she knew now was not the time to talk to him, and she knew he didn't want Seth and Summer to ask him any questions so before he noticed it she gave them a look and a slight shake of her head they both nodded understandingly and continued to watch TV, while Marissa got up and made her way down to the kitchen.

'Hey guys…' Ryan said while he walked to the kitchen too, Seth and Summer looked up at him briefly and greeted him back. Ryan was relieved they didn't ask him anything but chances were they already asked Marissa where he was, and knowing Marissa she had told them because she knew he didn't want to.

'Hey…' he said while walking into the kitchen.

'Hey…' she said back, she rummaged through some cabinets and set a boil down on the counter. 'I'm making chocolate cake…with a choc full of love…' she said while smiling at Ryan who just nodded his head. 'You okay?' she asked while trying to keep her self busy and not look at him.

'Yeah I'm fine…' he said while sitting down on a bar stool. He saw Marissa shake her head and put down the egg she was holding.

'You know you have said that word so many times when it comes to your mother that it doesn't even sound like a word right now…Ryan you don't always have to be fine it's okay not to be fine sometimes.' she said while looking at him for a moment she thought he was going to confide in her but he just got up and walked away. 'Fine walk away Ryan…' she said with a hurt tone. 'It's what you do best…' she added while she continued where she left of.

'Hey I heard what happened want to talk…?' Summer asked as she walked into the kitchen where Marissa was now stirring the chocolate mix. Marissa looked up at her friend and shook her head, why would she need to talk Ryan was the one who needed to talk not she.

'No thanks…' she said as Summer made her way to the bar stool where Ryan was sitting just some minutes ago.

'Okay Coop…I might not know Ryan just as good as you do…I mean you are his best friend but I mean I'm his friend too and I think you just need to give him some time…he's Ryan he'll come around I just think that he's dealing with a lot and doesn't really know how to deal with it all.' Summer said while grabbing the spoon Marissa had used to stir the chocolate mix with which had now become much harder she put the mix in a cake form and placed it in the oven.

'I know Sum…it's just I thought he had dealt with this all those years back and I thought that I could talk to him now and he would want to talk to me…but I guess that's still not the case…' she said.

'Give him time Coop and I promise he'll come around…' she said while kissing her cheek lightly and walking away she opened the door to go back to the living room when Marissa's voice stopped. 'Thank you Summer' she said, Summer smiled at her and nodded her head.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all so much for all of your reviews they are greatly very greatly appreciated. I'm hoping people are still interested in reading this story and if not then that's understandable to, anyways I'll shut up now and just let you read! Thanks for the great reviews and keep them coming!**

**Love Noor!**

**FYI: The part in italics and a different colour is the past, also a scene in this chapter is shocking, and just in case this chapter is rated T/M. **

'Dinner is served!' said Julie proudly as she looked at her perfect turkey and beautifully set table. She kissed Marissa on her head on thanked her for helping her while she saw Seth, Ryan, Summer move to the Christmas decorated table with a cooked turkey that was radiating lines of deliciousness...so to speak. Marissa smiled at her mother who she had been so close to her entire life, she too followed suit and sat down at the table, she sat down next to Ryan who she still hadn't talked to.

Julie went into the kitchen to get the wine, and saw the chocolate cake Marissa made, Julie had always been the cooker and Marissa had always been the baker, Ryan had always been the breakfast maker. They connected so greatly even Julie was surprised sometimes. She came back into the small candle lit dining area and sat at the head of the table, while pouring some whine into her glass and passing it on to Summer who was sitting on her left side.

'So Summer how is the new job going?' Julie asked as she saw Ryan get up and was now cutting the turkey. Summer took a sip of her white wine and looked at the woman she had been looking up to ever since she knew her, she had been a real inspiration for her and she was the mother she never had.

'Oh it's going…I'm still trying to find my place there, but it's okay…' she said while she thought of her job, she graduated college with a degree in arts, and was now working at an art museum, she loved to identify the art pieces and write articles about them, which she did, and then they came into the weekly arts section of their magazine.

'Are you still photographing?' Julie asked her she was really interested to know. Ryan was now putting the pieces of turkey on everyone's plate he made small to little eye contact with Marissa, they still hadn't talked and he knew he had to apologize, but sometimes her questions and worrying all the time was suffocating and he couldn't help but snap at her.

'Uhm…I'm going to take it up again…but I have decided not to take pictures of nature any more…I want to have models…I want to actually photograph people, and get their emotions.' she said while Ryan put her plate back down in front of her she thanked him with a sweet small smile and he nodded his head, that was the only gesture that was needed between them. Summer thought of her photo's her real dream was to become this huge photographer, but she had to make some money first, and she was doing that now, she had enough time.

'And you Seth how's work going for you?' Julie asked Seth he had been really quiet, something that was not very Seth-like. He had been looking at Ryan, pretty worried still shocked to heat about his life, he knew Ryan's life hadn't been easy but he never for the life of him thought it was this bad.

'Oh it's good…I got my first real case Monday and I've been working on it, I have to go to court in three weeks, so I'm working my ass off, I'm going to be going head to head with one of David Epstein's lawyers…but anyway that should be fun…' Seth said while eating his dinner. 'God Julie…this is amazing!' he said while he swallowed the turkey.

Julie smiled and thanked him for the compliment. The rest of the night was based on small talk, first Marissa told her mom she had a teenager come to the office who had been cutting herself since she was ten and now she was sixteen and was still doing it, she was a beautiful girl and Marissa really didn't know what was going on, although she had an idea she couldn't for the life of her understand, she just had to be patient.

Then Ryan informed her he had been assigned to a new project, his first project really he had to change up a small part of a department store, it was one of the oldest buildings there in New York, and a small part of it, was too old, so he had to rebuilt it, but it still had to look old yet new at the same time. Julie had smiled and nodded her head proudly.

Then there was the wonderful cake Marissa had made full of chocolate-love, actually it was full of antagonism and despondency, but it still tasted pretty damn good. And she heard it all right everyone even Ryan told her it was the best cake she had ever made, she smiled at him and continued to eat it.

They sat together like a real cosy family should on Christmas Eve after dinner and a lot of laughter and chatter they moved to the living room where the Christmas tree was set up they sat around it, Marissa, Julie and Summer sang a few Christmas carols, and as Julie explained it, it was for good old time sake.

Julie got her presents from Summer and Seth, a perfume, and some of the finest French wine, she had hugged them both and thanked them she told them not to do it, and apologized for having nothing for them, seeing as she didn't know they were coming, Summer and Seth immediately told her, that being their with them and eating such a delicious meal was the best present they could have asked for.

Ryan gave her, her hairstyling kit, she had laughed and hugged him while one little tear made a path down her cheek the tear was of complete bliss and content. Marissa then gave her, her channel dress, and again Julie attacked her daughter with hugs and kisses, again a tear made a way down her face. Yet again Julie was happy with her life all because of her beautiful daughter and of course her best friend's son, but also because of Seth and Summer.

Julie had given Marissa something very near and dear to her heart, a necklace she had been carrying around since she was 18 years old, her mother had worn it, her grandmother, her grandmother's mother and so on. Marissa was so happy with it and almost hugged her mother to death, she had never known her grandmother, but this way she still had a piece of her. Still this wasn't the entire present, Julie had seen a bracelet a few months ago which fitted perfectly with the necklace and she had spared her money to buy it. Marissa again hugged her mother and held her tight she could feel the tears in her eyes and just smiled when she felt one make its way down her cheek.

Summer and Seth watched them, being so happy and forgetting about the awful times they had, they were a real family. Seth wished he could say the same about his family, the only real family he had were Summer, Ryan and Marissa. And Summer had no real family except her dad who worked in one of the top hospitals in Italy so she never saw him, also her family consisted of Seth, Marissa and Ryan.

Ryan had gladly accepted his light blue shirt, with a beautiful tie and an architectural book. He smiled and was reminded by the fact that he always had someone who loved him, and cared for him. Even though he didn't have his mother, he still had Julie and Marissa, but also Seth and Summer and he was so thankful for that.

Ryan lay down on bed while he waited for Marissa to emerge from the bathroom and get into bed to sleep. Her bedroom reminded him of so many things, good things but also bad things. Bad nights when he was so scared to stay in his own house that he would quietly sneak out of his house and go to Marissa, he would knock on her window she would look at him nod her head and open her window and let him in. She never asked him what was going on she knew what happened and he knew she knew that was a sacred understanding between the two.

_Again he was sitting in the corner of the room, his mom was passed out on the couch, Trey was somewhere with his friends, and he was there alone with his mother's newest boy toy, who would like to take his frustration out on Ryan. His scared blue eyes looked into the dark brown ones of the big man, he was only ten but that didn't make a difference for these men, it never did. _

_So Ryan closed his eyes and waited for the thing he expected the beatings he small body was going to get, he didn't even know what he had done wrong, he never knew, but he always guessed he had done something wrong, it was him and never them that's what they always told him and so did this one, George. He had been different though he had seemed nice at first, he had even kissed Ryan on his head the first time he saw him. But now he had transformed into a monster, a scary monster that was standing in front of the blond haired blue eyed beautiful boy, looking down on him._

'_George…I'm sorry…' the scared little boy told him, he looked down at his feet, and hoped it would be enough to let the scary monster turn around and resume with his drinking. He even hoped his mother would wake up and then she and George would yell at each other and then kiss and do things in her bedroom he didn't know about. _

_George smiled smugly and bent down to look Ryan right in his eyes, he brought his hand up to his face and cupped his flawless mesmerizing face in his hands, he stroked one side of Ryan's cheek with his thumb. George was a big man with a perfect trained and tanned body, he was not the normal type of guy his mother brought home, but still his thumb on Ryan's cheek made Ryan squirm his face out of his grip uncomfortably. 'Ryan I'm not mad at you…okay…' he said while smiling at Ryan._

'_Uhm okay…' Ryan said still not completely trusting him. His gaze came upon his comatose mother who was completely oblivious to his discomfort seeing as she was out cold. He then looked back at George who was in that exact moment licking his lips and looking at Ryan's lips. Ryan got up and started to walk towards his bedroom, but he suddenly came to a halt by a strong hand on his shoulder. _

'_Where are you going little man?' George asked him as he turned Ryan around, Ryan knew he couldn't trust him just as he was about to let his guard down and belief that he wasn't going to get hurt, he was yet again disappointed. _

'_Uhm…I just wanted to go to bed…' he said while trying to get out of George firm grip. Ryan's eyes moved to the approximately 6'0 feet man. He hoped he would nod his head and let him go but he didn't do that, he bent down a little and scooped Ryan into his big strong arms, and moved towards his mother's bedroom. 'Uhm George that is not my bedroom…that's my mom's.' Ryan said clearly confused as to why George would let him sleep there._

'_Don't worry…you won't be sleeping…' George told Ryan with a malevolence voice, Ryan furrowed his eyebrows and got a little panicked when George laid him down on the bed, he saw George move to his own belt and unbuckle it, that's when he knew he had to get out of the room. Running towards the door Ryan was stopped by George's fierce hands, which lifted him up and threw him to the ground. _

_A sudden pain rushed through Ryan's body, and he winced, while closing his eyes, he could feel his body being lifted again but this time it landed on a much softer surface, his mother's bed. 'You're not going anywhere little man' he said while trying to keep Ryan as still as possible._

'_MOM!!!' Ryan yelled hoping she would hear him, nobody came so again he yelled. 'TREY!!!' he yelled again as he saw George remove the entire belt from his jeans, he saw him place a part of it in his hand and the other part was hanging down to the ground, fear was written on Ryan's face although he could not comprehend what was happening, he knew it was bad._

'_MOMMY!!!' he yelled again this time George's belt met Ryan's small frame, making him scream so hard he was sure it would wake his mother up now, but yet again the only sound he could hear were his own shallow breathings, and George's wicked laughs._

_George unbuttoned the first button of his jeans and Ryan watched him in horror. He didn't know what he wanted to do, what did he want to do with him? Ryan sat up a little and could feel his stomach aching he moved his shirt up a bit to look at his stomach which was already bruising. Again the belt met him but this time it met him so unexpected, he let the tears escape. The belt had met his face and he could feel his entire right side burn like fire. 'Lie down!' said George, Ryan did as he was told, while he kept quiet, in that moment he promised himself never to trust anyone ever again._

_His small body was shaking with every sob that escaped his lips, the tears were leaving huge wet spots on his mother's bed cover, but he didn't care about that the only thing he cared about was getting out of her and when George put each leg to one of his sides he knew what to do, Ryan's small leg came up to George's manhood, and he kicked at it with the same force he would kick a soccer bal. Immediately he heard George scream and saw his hands go to his manhood while he curled up in a little ball and cursed while he did so. _

_Ryan saw this as his attempt to escape, he got out of bed and run to the front door, he could hear George yell at him and tell him not to go, he could even hear him close behind him, but Ryan was known for his speed so before George could come near him he was across the street running to the one place he knew he was safe._

_George saw Ryan run and shook his head while closing the door behind him, he walked over to Dawn who was still out cold and pushed her panties aside while he released himself in her, something that only her young blond son could do to him._

_Ryan ran as fast as he could and didn't look back, he knew from Trey never to look back when you were running because it only made you slower and more scared, he was there finally, and knocked on the window. 'Marissa…' he said softly. Hoping she would hear him, she did and was soon standing in front of her window half a sleep, she opened her window and helped him in. She didn't say anything just let him inside and made her way back to her bed, Ryan lay down on her couch, and Marissa gave him a blanket and a pillow. And both of them tried to sleep._

'Hey…' Marissa said as she walked out of the bathroom and towards her king sized bed, where Ryan was already lying on with his eyes closed and his eye brows furrowed, all in all he had a troubled look on his face. Ryan opened his eyes and was immediately brought back to reality and had escaped his haunting gruesome memories.

'Hey' he said softly as he saw his best friend have a saddened look on her face, she moved towards the bed in her technically his sweat pants and a blue baseball shirt on it, her hair was still damp but it was pulled back in a tight pony tail, she lay down on the bed and saw that her outfit was not much different then the one of her best friend, accept that he had his signature wife beater.

'I'm sorry about before…I didn't mean to be so…ignorant towards you.' Ryan said immediately getting to the point Marissa shook her head slightly and smiled she put her hand on his and squeezed it lightly. 'It's okay…' she said. 'Just know that I am here if you need me…' Marissa told her friend, they smiled at each other and Ryan nodded his head.

'I know…' Ryan replied and put his arm around her shoulders while bringing her close into him, she smiled and nodded yet again. A soft 'goodnight' could be heard from the two friends before they fell into a very deep peaceful sleep.

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you guys so much for all of your amazing reviews they meant a lot to me, now here is a little bit of drama concerning the Ryan and Marissa 'love', I'm hoping you'll like it! Sorry for those of you who looked forward to the Newport scene, and there's also a cute S/S scene if I may say so myself I hope you enjoy!**

**Love Noor!**

Marissa sat in front of her mirror dressing up ready to go shopping with Summer it was mid-January and it was snowing in New York, but the temperature was rising not too much, yet it was rising. She sighed softly and thought back of the last month which had been chaotic, she had been to Newport with Ryan and Seth and Summer of course and it was nice, quite formal but still very nice.

Then after Christmas came New Year she and Ryan had spent it together like they always did and had promised each other ever since they were little. They had promised, swore to always celebrate the New Year, a fresh start, together. This time though they went to a party later in the evening and that is where Ryan met a girl, Amy, she was blond stacked, super-model like, well off but not cocky, smart but not too much into herself, and for the last 2 weeks she had been her best friend's girlfriend. And Marissa Cooper hated it!

Yet another sigh escaped Marissa's lips she applied her new bought lip gloss on her plump rosy lips and smacked them together. One more time she looked in the mirror and nodded satisfied, she took her azure blue trench coat from of her bed she then linked her big light brown purse around her right arm opened the door of the bedroom and left her small save haven into the room she had come to despise seeing as Amy was lying on the couch with Ryan on top of her and they were kissing like they were some wild teenagers.

'Ugh you do know your room is merely 2 feet away…' Marissa whined as she walked towards the fridge and took out a bottled water, she opened it and drank a whole gulp.

'Uhuh…' Ryan said through the kiss with Amy, which in turn made Amy smile into the kiss.

Marissa made a weird face and let out a soft noise. 'Ugh just…swallowing back some…vomit!' she said and started to walk towards the door. She looked back at Ryan and his new girl toy and shook her head, she didn't even know him anymore, he wasn't supposed to be like this.

'Well I'm off…bye…' she said and awaited his response not hers, yet all she got was her giggly response as Ryan's lips attacked Amy's neck. Amy opened her eyes and looked right into Marissa's beautiful ones. 'Bye Ma…rissa…' she said through her laughs and closed them again.

Marissa yet again loathed the living room, she shook her head angrily and opened the door just in time to see Summer drive into Marissa and Ryan's street with her black mini cooper a gift she had received from her father. Marissa smashed the door shut as she walked towards the car, she didn't know why she felt this way or why she was so angry with Ryan. He finally had a girlfriend he wasn't fooling around anymore she should be proud of him yet all she could feel was abhorrence and sadness. He was starting to care for another girl, and most likely if she was the one for him she being Amy, would be his number one. And Marissa would be knocked off the first place and pushed down to the second. That's what she hated about this situation right?

Marissa got into the front seat and closed the door with a loud thud; Summer averted her eyes from the road and looked at Marissa. 'Wow someone's in a mood…' she said while gassing and driving out of the street which was covered with white snow.

'No I'm not!' Marissa snapped making Summer's eyes roll and nod her head. 'Sorry' she said immediately after she snapped, she didn't mean to be mad at Summer she was just hating this feeling she had.

'It's okay…want to talk about what got you in this mood…' Summer asked and then put up her hand to stop Marissa from saying anything. 'Or wait let me guess…Amy?' she said and when she saw Marissa's hatred expression she had gotten her answer, she laughed a little and shook her head at her friend.

'It's just that I know Ryan, and now he's not the person I knew anymore. I'm Marissa, I'm his best friend, I'm the one he always talks to we do everything together we always have and now suddenly I haven't talked to him in two weeks, two weeks, because he's been going out on stupid dates with that stupid Amy, or he's been at her house, or she's at ours and they're all over each other!' Marissa stopped for a second to breath and she continued. 'The only thing we've said to each other, is hey, goodnight, where are you going, where were you, at Amy's. Those are the only words that have been used by us.' Marissa half yelled while shaking her head furiously.

'Marissa why don't you just tell him that, talk to him Ryan will understand, just tell him you've been feeling so crappy lately.' Summer said somehow she started to wonder if there was more to it, to this rant of Marissa's but she knew she could say anything not now, it was too fresh.

'Yeah I think I will…today Amy goes to her parents and Ryan's staying here.' Marissa said. Marissa looked out of the small window and could feel a lump in her throat things weren't supposed to be this way they were supposed to be better, she and Ryan weren't supposed to grow apart like this. But she could feel it, they were drifting apart, Marissa felt as if she was starting to lose her best friend, and the feeling made her sick to her stomach.

'Okay we're here.' Came Summer's sweet cheerful voice as she parked the car and took the keys out of the ignition. Marissa nodded her head merely and opened her side of the car, she was wearing her black boots, and her light blue skinny jeans, which were in her boots.

Summer and Marissa sat in a small café/restaurant they talked among each other, and smiled some time. 'Ugh I'm so tired of all that shopping…and we didn't even buy that much.' Marissa said while taking a sip from her coffee. Summer nodded her head in agreement and sat back in her comfortable chair she took a sip from her drink as well and decided that now was the time to bring the whole Ryan situation up.

'Coop…have you told him yet?' Summer asked while she also tried to read Marissa's facial expression when she didn't see any she waited for her to speak.

'Told who what?' Marissa asked, in the back of her mind she thought she knew where this was going, but she wanted to stretch it out as long as she could.

'Ryan, that you like him.' Summer said softly and once more she awaited Marissa's response anxiously, she could hear Marissa laugh slightly and look into Summer's eyes as if she was saying the world's stupidest thing, unfortunately for her, her eyes were giving everything away.

'What are you crazy I so do not like Ryan…he's my best friend…' Marissa said and looked away from Summer. 'But the thing is that I do like him, and I want to be with him and want to be the one who he kisses, I want to make love to him and marry him, and oh God what is wrong with me…I can't be in love with him, he's my best friend, my best friend.' Marissa said as she put her head in her hands, Summer looked at her sympathetically she got out of her chair and went to sit next to Marissa.

'Maybe you just need to tell him that…' she said softly, she held Marissa's hands in hers forcing her to look up and lock their eyes.

'I can't he'll never be able to understand or forgive me for screwing with something he never seemed to have.' Marissa said sorrowfully. She looked at Summer and couldn't help but let the tear that she had been holding gush down her cheek, before it ran down to her chin where it would fall of and drop onto her jean, leaving behind a wet stain which would stay there for a few minutes until it would naturally dry and disappear as if it had never fallen, she erased the evidence before anyone beside her or Summer would notice.

'Coop…' Summer said unsure as she saw her best friend build back up the walls which hadn't been there previously she saw her put on a fake smile and shake her head, while shaking the thoughts out of her mind.

'You know I'm going to that party I was invited to, you can come if you want.' Marissa said as she watched Summer make her way back to her own chair, she let a sigh escape her mouth one which didn't go unnoticed by Marissa, but Marissa acted as if she never heard nor saw it.

'I can't I promised Seth we'd have a night to ourselves his work has been catching up to him and mine hasn't been rather quiet lately…sorry, but uhm I thought you were going to spend the night with Ryan you know like old times.' Summer said a little hesitant.

'Ryan probably made last minute plans with Amy going with her to her parents…whatever, I'm going to party something I haven't done in a very long time.' Marissa said as she finished the last of her coffee, she put the cup back down and looked at Summer waiting for her to say something she knew she was going to say something that was just how Summer was, she'd never give up without a fight.

'But you said in the car that you'd…' Summer started but was caught of by Marissa who got out of her chair and started to walk towards her.

'Look Sum you don't have to worry okay, go have fun I plan to.' She said and with one last kiss on her cheek, Marissa walked out of the door, leaving some dollar bills behind. Summer shook her head sadly Marissa was starting to fade away, something she really didn't want she just didn't know how to stop it, so with one last sigh Summer got out of her chair as well, leaving a rather small tip behind for the waitress, she wasn't the girl that didn't have to think about money anymore, she took her black coat which had been hanging around her chair and slipped her arms through it, she left with Marissa on her mind.

Their two bedroom apartment looked good, especially since she and he had taken the liberty to clean it in the weekend, Summer smiled as she looked at a picture of Seth, Ryan, Marissa and herself. She shook her head yet again, it seemed that was the only thing she seemed to be doing lately shake her head but never really take the time to make a difference, to figure out a way to help.

The door of the apartment closed with a thud signifying someone else was home someone she didn't expect to be there until later that night. 'Hey you're home early.' She said as she walked around the corner and came face to face with the love of her life, who had been her boyfriend since high school.

'Hey…' Seth said while putting down his black suitcase and taking of his jacket and with that his indigo suit jacket. He walked up to his beautiful girlfriend and captured her lips in his own.

Summer could smell his cologne and as Seth's tongue found his way inside her mouth, she could feel the effect he seemed to have every time he did this to her, her knees began to feel like jelly, and she knew she would fall if she did not wrap her arms around his neck. After a few minutes of what could only be described as a passionate breath taking kiss, they broke apart and smiled at each other.

'I thought I'd surprise you.' Seth said showing his teeth while smiling, Summer couldn't help but smile back and kiss him on his cheek this time before walking towards the kitchen.

'I am not that surprised…I mean I'm your drug Cohen how could you not want to come home early?' she asked rather rhetorically, she looked back at her boyfriend her eyebrow raised and her hands on her hips daring him to say something sarcastic or comical.

'How could I not…' Seth said sarcastically and smiled at Summer, as he watched her hands drop and additionally her jaw. _Good job buddy _Seth thought, but he would be swallowing his thought the minute Summer opened her mouth to speak and he knew it, he just wanted to enjoy his glory while it lasted.

'That's it there's not going to be any love making for a month…in fact there's not going to be any affection for as long as a month, and you've got all of that to thank your pretty big mouth for.' Summer said as she walked entirely away swaying her hips seductively as she did.

'This is going to be hard.' Seth said to himself as he followed Summer into the kitchen, he knew that she would actually hold on to this for a maximum of two weeks and than she would explode telling him he was about to get lucky and that she had done some thinking and because he had been handling his punishment so well she would reward him, which meant they would basically make love until they were too worn out to move, it's what kept his relationship interesting and he loved Summer for that.

'I love you so much…' Seth said before he pulsated inside of his beautiful girlfriend and collapsed on her chest; both were out of breath after the amazing love making they had been doing just mere seconds ago. Seth smiled as he lay back down next to Summer and took her in his arms while kissing her temple and eventually letting out a quick laugh.

'Okay I know…my threat didn't even last three hours, but at least we got a good night out of it.' Summer said while smiling at Seth, he kissed her on the tip of her nose and told her that they sure did.

'So what's wrong?' he said while watching her as she stared off into space, she shook her head while laughing slightly.

'Is it that obvious?' she asked him and he didn't say anything which was a sign for her to go on. 'I'm just worried…about Marissa…I feel like she has the feeling that she doesn't belong anymore you know…like she has no one, and I don't want her to feel that.' Summer said and took another deep breath, she looked at Seth and he looked back at her with his sympathetic look in his eyes, he said nothing they just simply watched each other.

'Marissa?' Ryan said as he came out of his room and looked at his best friend, a smile made its way to his face and he was about to hug her when he heard the tone of her voice and what she said.

'Ryan? Hey…I didn't recognize you without Amy sucking up your face.' Marissa said somewhat cantankerous. She looked at him with what to Ryan only could be portrayed as abhorrence a look he had never received from her, she locked her eyes with his for only a mere second and than started to walk towards her room.

Ryan stood shocked in his spot, why was she so unbelievably mad at him, and why didn't his legs move when he told them to. After what seemed like forever Ryan followed Marissa and looked at her as she took of her dark jeans and let them slid to the floor leaving her in her black panties.

'Uhm care to explain the outburst?' Ryan asked as he looked at his best friend seeing her move to her closet and take out a black dress, one that had an open back but wasn't all to fancy yet it looked amazing on her, Ryan remembered.

'Sorry…I'm just stressed out…it was nothing personal.' Marissa said moderately distant. She looked back at her best friend of twenty-two years.

'Look Riss I know I've been hanging out with Amy a lot and I kind of neglected you in the process, but I want to make that up to you starting tonight, I thought I'd cook some dinner and you could sit your lazy ass down while watching some movie with me, just like old times…what you'd say?' Ryan asked her with a hopeful smile on his face.

'I'm going to this party I got invited to, so another time…okay.' Marissa said as she applied some lip balm on her lips and patted them together, she looked at herself in the mirror and was satisfied with how she looked. She took her purse in hand and her coat.

'I'll just warm the food up when I get back…don't wait up.' She said and walked away without even a goodbye or a see you later, not even a kiss on the cheek. Ryan leaned back against his best friend's doorframe with a confused look on his face.

'Bye…' he called after her but it was already too late she was already gone, Ryan shook his head and walked towards the telephone, he had no intention of cooking for himself, so instead he thought he'd just order a pizza.

**Reviews make my day!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Long time no see! Gehehe there's not going to be an excuse other than I'm so sorry for the lack of updates! Anyways enjoy and let me know what you think! Also thanks so much for the reviews!**

**Love Noor!**

**Chapter 8**

The party seemed to be in full swing, and Marissa hated it, she never went to these parties on her own, she would take Ryan, or Summer, or Seth or sometimes all of them and they would always end up just talking to each other, but tonight was different, tonight she was on her own and she had to enjoy herself and she hated it, not to mention there were pretty old guys around here too, guys who seemed to look like they were straight out of an Al Pacino movie.

As an hour passed Marissa stayed seated on one of the stylish looking sofas, soon though the place that hadn't yet been occupied became occupied, by a girl who seemed to be dozing of. Marissa turned her head slightly and smiled at the young girl, the girl smiled back.

'Hey…' Marissa said and the girl replied with a 'hey', Marissa couldn't help but notice how incredibly young she looked, seeing as most of the people around her seemed to look like they were in their late twenties this girl seemed to be about twenty years old if not nineteen.

'I'm sorry for asking but how old are you…it's just curiosity.' Marissa said and watched the girl turn her head at her, she smiled dreamily and closed her eyes for a mere second.

'I'm fifteen years old…and I just snorted way too much coke…' she said before letting her head lean against the wall and she closed her eyes, smiling again absent-mindedly as she did so.

Marissa was shocked about this, what did she have to do, did she have to call the police or an ambulance, she was only fifteen she shouldn't even be at this party let alone be getting a fix. Fortunately for Marissa a girl that seemed to be around Marissa's age came to her side and took off with the young girl claiming she was her sister.

Marissa was about to get up and leave when a hand made it's way between her legs as she tried to get her purse making them spread slightly, as Marissa felt the touch she flinched and was over come with fear and complete and udder shock. Before she could respond and slap the hand away it was already gone and Marissa saw who it belonged to, a creepy old man who had a wicked smile on his face when he saw Marissa's scared expression.

'Want to go to my hotel room…honey.' He asked in a sly voice, Marissa was walking as fast as her legs could carry her, her coat in her hand and her purse in her other, she pushed through the mass of people more then once ending up colliding with a wall, until she was outside. She leaned against a wall and breathed out slowly while a tear slipped down her face; she tried to regain her composure and walked as quickly as she could to her car, looking back a few times to make sure no one was following her.

----

She parked her and Ryan's car, got out of it and walked towards their apartment, she didn't even know how much the man had scared her nothing like that had happened to her before and even if it did happen Ryan was always there to protect her, to literally scare away the idiot who even dared to touch her without Marissa wanting it.

She opened the door, turned around closed it, put the keys in the lock, a routine she had skilled her entire life she heard the lock and finally let out a huge breath she didn't know she was holding, with that breath came the tears which were soon followed by some quiet sobs. Marissa's head was leaning against the door and she could literally feel her heart ache the man at the party had truly been the last straw Marissa could take she, after everything that had been happening to her these last couple of weeks she was surprised she hadn't cried before.

The new found realisation finally kicked in, she was in love with her bestfriend who she had known when she was still in diapers and when she thought boys had cooties except him.

'Riss?' Ryan asked as he came out of the bathroom with yet again only a towel loosely draped around his waist, he saw her red puffy eyes and instantly knew she had been crying, she didn't respond though she just kept breathing in and out in order to try and calm herself.

Ryan walked towards his bestfriend who looked so fragile and broke at the moment and it made his heart ache for her, he held her in his arms and guided the two of them to their couch.

'What's wrong?' he asked her softly, she got up instantly and started pacing.

'Today has been a very bad day, and I just needed to talk to someone, I'm sorry you shouldn't worry about me…I just…' she started and when she met his eyes she couldn't hold her facade any longer she needed him to reassure her and comfort her.

'Riss come on what's wrong?' Ryan asked her and before he knew it she was letting out a huge sigh which was followed by tears, she stood in front of him and Ryan had to do everything in his power not to get up and hug her, he knew though that she needed to get this out, whatever 'this' was.

'I just need you Ry…' she told him defeated as she sat back down and let the tears finally fall down, she was immediately wrapped into his big strong arms and started to sob.

'Hey…hey don't do this…' he told her while he held her and breathed in her scent, he knew something had been wrong with her when she left clearly upset.

'I'm sorry it's just that I need my bestfriend right now, but lately you're always with Amy and I can't help but think I'm going to loose you.' she told him they looked into each other's eyes hers filled with tears and his filled with guilt.

'Marissa listen to me okay…you're not going to loose me, I would never cut you out of my life…I promise okay?' he asked her while his own eyes began to fill with tears too, she nodded her head and held onto him even tighter, she needed to savour his touch, needed to memorise his scent just in case he wouldn't be able to keep his promise.

The two bestfriends sat on the couch both captivated by one another, their scent lingering in the air, their breaths becoming one as they both almost succumbed to sleep.

'I love you Ryan…' Marissa spoke quietly, yet still audible for her bestfriend to hear who was closing his eyes now.

'I love you too Riss.' He told her just as he would always tell her, they lay in silence on their couch, Marissa's head was resting on Ryan's chest hearing the beat of his heart pumping rhythmically in her ear giving her a feeling of gratification. Marissa looked up and saw that Ryan was sleeping she began to sit up and decided that this was the time to pour her heart out.

'Ryan you don't understand…I've been holding this in for a very long time now…and I need you to know now that I love you…I'm _in _love with you.' she said while another set of tears poured down her face, she watched him waiting for him hoping he hadn't heard her, but silently whishing he had, when she saw no reaction from him she sighed and lay back down, her head once again resting on his chest.

She knew this was the coward's way out but it was also the only way she could live with, he was finally happy and if him being with someone else, someone that wasn't her made him happy then she would step aside and let him be happy, because she loved him too much not to.

Therefore she lay in silence listening to his breath and she knew that what she said tonight was the only time those words came out of her mouth, if that made her a coward than she was fine with being a coward as long as Ryan; her bestfriend; the love her life; her one, was happy that was all that mattered to her and she would be damned if she was going to be the one to take that happiness away from him.

----

'Ugh…I hate this!' Marissa complained to Summer as she saw Ryan and Amy dance together and kiss. Summer smiled at her best girlfriend pathetically and held her hand in hers. Seth walked towards the two with drinks and soon followed Marissa's gaze which had been on the happy couple who were giving quite a show.

'Hey Riss got you a 'Sex on the beach' Seth handed her drink and she gladly accepted it, drowning the drink as fast as she could.

'Don't drink through the pain Coop.' Summer told her friend as she eyed her worriedly while seeing how fast she actually drank.

'What pain Sum?' Marissa asked her and watched her bestfriend eat his girlfriend's face, they were so in love it made her sick to her stomach. His hands were on her hips and hers were locked around his neck, suddenly the intense make out stopped and Marissa thanked the Lord who actually had been giving her crap the last couple of days.

All three sat in their booth and watched the two lovebirds, Amy twirled around and Ryan laughed when she flashed him a goofy smile. Again her arms locked around his neck and his strong arms securely locked around her small frame, they stared into each others eyes deeply without a care in the world, as if they were only seeing each other and the rest of the world didn't exist.

'Somebody kill me now.' Marissa replied sarcastically as she saw the two, she just wanted to look away and drown her sorrows in alcohol but her eyes were captivated upon the scene. She felt a hand on her shoulder and didn't have to turn around to know it was Seth's, she then felt Summer hold her right hand in hers and they sat silent, no words were needed for they all knew how Marissa was feeling, all knew accept for Ryan and Amy who were too mesmerized by one another to even care.

'I love you…' Marissa saw Amy mouth to Ryan and her heart beat quickened awaiting Ryan's response anxiously he had only told her he loved her…he sure wouldn't tell Amy…and then she saw it the four words came out of his mouth and every single one hit her as a brick wall, 'I love you too' four punches to the stomach, four bullets going right through her body, four stomps on her heart.

'Did he just say I love you…?' Marissa asked out loud and before she could even think of it she got up and told the two brunettes that she desperately needed some air and with that she was gone walking out of the nice little salsa club as fast as her legs could carry her back into the New York streets, tears clouding her vision as she realised that she had lost the love of her life while she had every chance to have him but never took the chance she was never strong enough.

She had always been deadly afraid of how he would react if she told him, afraid of pushing him out of her life while he was the only one that kept her standing, he was the only who was there when she fell, always ready to catch her, but now she wasn't so sure anymore, how could the one person that pushed her over the edge also be the one to catch her.

Marissa was walking away again just like she always did when things got too hard but now there was no one to stop her, to warn her, to save her, no one was there to save her from the blinding lights that were coming towards her so fast she didn't even see them, Ryan wasn't there to save her as her body collided with the truck that had come towards her with such force she was rolling over it and finally lying ten feet away from the car, her head bleeding and her eyes closed limbs all over the place, with her last thought being about Ryan.

Marissa lay on the street of New York just a few feet away from the club she had just fled oblivious to the world around, oblivious to the people who were gasping and screaming for someone to call an ambulance, she was oblivious to the boy she had wanted for so long who had come out of the club with his friends and girlfriend ready to find her, when he saw her flipping over a car; she was oblivious to his tears and screams as he ran to her as if his life depended on it.

**Don't hate me for this pretty please! I didn't even plan on this end but then I started writing and thought what the heck! Please leave me a review! Love Noor!**


End file.
